I have a Ninja at my property

So we have this security guard that lives here that always refers to himself as Officer *insert name here. Everytime he calls he's like, "This is Officer ___ calling...." He's not a cop, he's the guy that stands by the door at the jewelry store and zip ties the criminals. Anyway. He's a tool. So this weekend we had ANOTHER attempted break in and guess who comes to the rescue and does a citizens arrest? I told him he was a ninja and that from now on we will call him Ninja ___.